i asked my mom how she met my dad and she said at a college basketball game this guy got distracted and got hit by the ball and got a huge bloody nose and he came up to her after the game and said “i was distracted by you” with like blood all over his face and jersey
so i asked my dad and he said “my friend told me he’d give me 10 bucks if i asked a girl out with my broken nose and she said yes”
The first time someone tried to steal my bag in the subway I panicked and I broke his arm with an umbrella and since then none of my friends will let me forget about this. If you think this was a badass moment you need to remember I’m 5 ft and my bag was a Lucky Star bag and I was crying while hitting someone much bigger than me repeatedly with a frog-shaped umbrella.
my dream is to one day make enough money to remake the movie twilight so that everything is exactly the same except edward cullen is played by kanye west and kanye west doesnt have a script and isn’t even aware of what the plot of the movie is, he’s just kanye west reacting to twilight in real time
my proudest moment was when i was like 4 and I was being babysat by our family friend’s son who was visiting and he saw me drawing randall form monsters inc and he was like oh can i have this i’ll hang it in my office! and i was like okay and then when my dad picked me up he told me that the guy (his name was larry) was an animator on the movie and 4 year old me cried
today i saw this cute cop and my first thought was “damn i would tap that ass so bad” and then he laughed and came closer to me and i thought i did something bad and i couldn’t think what was it and when he started talking i took off my headphones and he said “that was quite a compliment young lady” and in that moment i realizED I SAY THAT OUT LOUD AND FUCK MY LIFE AND WHY MUST I HAVE A MOUTH WITH NO FILTER